


Losing My Religion

by InsaneLikeMe69



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Blood and Gore, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Murder-Suicide, Native American Character(s), Overdosing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Romance, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:07:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25855600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneLikeMe69/pseuds/InsaneLikeMe69
Summary: He was right. The Cult leader, Joseph Seed was right. The heat that built sweat on her skin was proof.As the world suffocated on humanity's Sins only two survived under the soot. Burrowed like cicadas. How long before the two ticking time bombs destroy each other? How long until the Wrath breaks the Rookie?
Relationships: Joseph Seed/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	1. Amazing Grace

**Author's Note:**

> fixed some things, edited some bits in since I didn't have enough time before the dead line hit me.

She didn't fight. Her Wrath tattooed across her bronze chest reminded her, it pulled the reins of rage. "Remember.. God is watching" Joseph's glare settled on Tala. Her skin slick with sweat he stared, his piercing eyes making Tala feel exposed. Tala swiveled. Eyeing her friends behind her with pity. Their knees sinking into the mud. _It was your fault. All your fault._ _Blood on your hands, drenched._ Tala swallowed dry dirt caught in her throat anxiously. He was giving her another chance. Even after she killed his family and even more followers. This was her opportunity to fix it, to glue back her mutilated soul. Tala nodded her voice weak and raspy "I won't" she clenched her eyes as Deputy Hudson screamed. "Don't buy his shit! Kill him Rook!" She thrashed against Jerome even as the shotgun pressed against the nape of her neck. Joseph clicked his tongue as he shook his head "make the right choice Rook, leave and take your friends with you" he swung his hands out, palms facing the sky. Head tilted to the heavens "while you still can." Ice creeped up her spine. She had to make the right choice. Whatever it was.

* * *

"We'll leave, we will go Joseph" Tala's voice was timid which had surprised Joseph. This woman, built from Wrath softened her tone. Joseph blinked. Once. Twice. "John was right" Tala spoke her chin tilting. Not in compliance. No. It hid her muddy tears that now streaked down her tanned cheeks. She felt the sorrow ten fold. She felt the horror when she drove a knife into Faith's stomach. Hated how Faith stared open mouth in betrayal, hated feeling the blood slither over her hand, _hated_ watching her soul slip from her vibrant green eyes. Tala's stomach flipped as she remembered what John said before he choked on his own blood "May God have mercy on your soul" As he fell into the soaked ground Tala felt her chest tremble with laughter. Now, her regret eats at her from inside. As Joseph's silence deafened Tala at the mention of his youngest brother she touched the tattoo engraved above her bossom. "Wrath is my Sin, I know this now and I want to make it right. As long as you let us leave" Tala looked over her shoulder "together". Joseph chuckled, a morbid mock as he shook his head. "Child, don't fret" Joseph once again held his hands outwards with a grin pulling at his lips. A grin that made Tala second guessing her choice. "Come here" his hand reached out guiding Tala closer. "Judge not and you shall not be judged. Condemn not and you will not be condemned" a huff presumably from Deputy Hudson echoed behind her. If Joseph heard it he didn't react as he took Tala's hands into his own. The beaded rosary digging into her right palm. "Forgive and you will be forgiven" his head tipped forward and Tala found herself joining him. Maybe it was the barrels of bliss behind them. Yes, of course that's what it was.

* * *

Tala turned to leave, her heart beating like a fluttering bird at the thought of finally winning without bloodshed. Her heart sunk, it's jittery joy doused with it as she felt the disgraceful hand of Joseph grip her own. "Child, might we talk in the church for a moment?" Tala felt her tongue stick to the roof of her mouth. Her colleges turned, eyes bulged and mouths signaling a secret code, that she ignored. One final silent "go" before she turned towards Joseph. Her colleges stood in stupor. Their legs shackled to the dirt beneath them as the Deputy turned her back one final time. The last time.

* * *

The church was dark, only few candles lit here and there. Enough to see their surroundings. Verses and quotes littered the old wood walls painted in white. "Sit please" Joseph's voice echoed in the fairly empty Church. He gestured next to him on a decrepit pew watching as the Rook slowly sat further away from him her golden eyes weary and tired. "I'm willing to forgive you child" Joseph started as bent down reaching under the pew "for the awful things you have committed" he now grasped the word of Joseph in his hands. Tala could almost feel the Wrath begging to have it's leash loosened. "For killing my followers" he spoke a newfound venom to each word "for making a Martyr of my siblings" Tala could hear the bitter hate in each syllable. She eyed him as sweat poured down the nape of her neck. Was he going to kill her? Her hands wrung at the thought. Should she run? She turned slowly towards the entry. The doors were a thick wood, if he had a gun she would be dead before she could escape. No way out.

She brought her attention to Joseph as he clutched his bible with a vicious grasp his knuckles turning white. His intense gaze hidden behind the yellow aviators. A shame. She could almost imagine the perfect hue of icy blue, that of a frozen ocean. "Deputy" Tala felt her soul leave her body, if only for a split second. "Pray with me."

* * *

Tala felt relief curl around her aching muscles as she neared the entrance. Eager to jump into her beaten Mustang and leave this town in the dust. Eager to never deal with bullshit cultists ever again. Joy overwhelmed her when she flung the door wide. To have the smallest whiff of earthy air, just to have it robbed from her. Taken from her with a swift gun shot. She felt herself colliding with a thud against Joseph as pain blossomed in her abdomen. "DEPUTY! SHIT! OH GOD, DEPUTY I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" Hudson screamed as she fiddled with the shotgun, trying her best to load it with trembling hands. Tala's breaths came in short gasps, each intake of air making it harder to take oxygen in. Her head lolled as Joseph held her against his chest a look of disbelief evident on his features "I thought better of you Hudson" Joseph tsked placing Tala as gently as possible on the wooden floor her wheezing louder now that she's on flat ground. "YOU BASTARD! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" Hudson yelled dropping a few shells to the ground as she reloaded. " _wait"_ Tala's rasped trying to reach out, her bloodied hand only clasping thin air. It was unfolding around her and she couldn't do anything but lie there. Her vision shaking, voices muffled. She was dying and choking on her own blood. She stifled a chuckle at the irony.

"So ungrateful" Joseph slid his hand behind him in one fluid movement, reaching and grasping a pistol. There was no warning. 

No warning for the hot splatter of brain matter. The oozing wetness that slid down her forehead. No. He simply...shot. The Sulphur lingering behind the irony smell, dancing in a morbid game.

* * *

She could feel his probing hands, clasping onto her shoulder yelling muffled words into her ear. But she couldn't focus on his voice. A thunderous boom drowned out his words. It shook the ground. Joseph stilled next to her, every muscle tensing. "It has begun."

The world whizzed by her as she was thrown into a car. Pain made her shriek as blood spilled through her fingers. She could vaguely remember herself laughing, blood trickling down her chin as all the irony of the death siblings came crashing down on her.

* * *

Tala felt the car come to a sudden halt. Her body jostled forward, making her eyes flutter open. Light blinded her. Was it light? She squinted her eyes. No. it was fire. Red hot fire. She had only seconds to realize what was happening as Joseph ripped her from the car. The world was ending in flames all around them. He was right. All of hysterical teachings and visions had came true. She clenched her eyes tight when the blinding flames became to much wishing this was just a bad nightmare, that she would just wake up in her top bunk listening to her sister's soft joyous laughter. The thought of those bitter sweet memories only made it worse. "Rook! look at me! we're almost there!" a muffled voice belonging to Joseph mumbled somewhere above her. Tala cracked open her eyes stealing a groggy gaze up to Joseph. His hair had come undone, making sweat covered strands tickle her cheek. But the look of uncertainty that lingered under the yellow aviators is what worried her. _The cultist leader, so well versed in charismatic speeches was scared and seeming not so certain of himself._ Her stomach fell into a endless pit of dread at the thought of it.

* * *

Tala was barely conscious now. Going in and out of reality quickly. The only thing keeping her head above the darkness that threatened to swallow her was Joseph's pounding heartbeat that thrummed against her ear as her head rested unmoving on his chest. "can you hear me?" Tala blinked once trying to rid the dark circle in her peripherals "y-yes" even her own voice sounded distant to her like she was slowly drowning underwater. Joseph softly placed her against a hard wall. Wait. A wall? Tala weakly rolled her head as she saw Joseph's lithe silhouette pass in front of her. "WHAT IN THE LIVING HELL YOU DOING HERE!" a voice thundered over the roaring fire outside. Through the wavering and shaky vision Tala remembered just who that booming voice belong to. "Dutch" her voice was just a raspy whisper. So compliant. Too quiet.

* * *

Joseph worried. The sweat beading at his temple was evidence as he watched the Rook once again slip under. "Dutch, please-" the older man rushed forward his face alit with rage "YOU! GET OUT! THE KID CAN STAY! GO!" Dutch ran to Rook's side picking up her crumpled form. Joseph contemplated shooting him, ending his sinful life here and now but truly he wanted no more bloodshed. The collapse was already on them, there wasn't use for another life to be ended. Dutch shuffled the Rook into his arms awkwardly making sure to ignore the wound profusely bleeding. "You started this whole mess, killed innocent people like animals! How the kid even let you live is beyond me!" Dutch screamed ripping off his jacket to ball it up and applying it to the massive gun shot in her abdomen. "If your going to fucking stand there like a motherfucking dumbass at least grab me my first aid kit!" Dutch's command was left on deaf ears. Joseph wavered in pain, a headache making him double over as white spots overwhelmed his vision and blocked out the chaos around him. Through his labored breaths and pounding heart a voice called to him. Commanded him. It was the will of God. And he never second guessed it.

* * *

Tala managed to fight the heaviness that weighed her eyelids and peak past the haze. The room swam and swirled with harsh colors but in the midst stood a vague outline of a man. She blinked, the darkness that creeped at the edge of her eyesight had advanced closer making substantially harder to make out the person. _"What are you doing!?"_ a faint voice floated distorted above her before her world was painted red. A gun shot rang echoed in the room, the sound pinging about her head before whomever held her lost their grip making her weak body fall harshly against the cold floor.

" _Amazing grace ~how sweet the sound~"_. 


	2. To Save A Wretch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait I had interviews and having to deal with a new job also on top of that Yom Kippur (Jewish holiday) so tad busy. The story is short and in my opinion slightly crappy but I got it done so I hope you like this shit show.

The sun was ruthless today. Its heat almost unbearable, although the soft pink dress Tala's mother managed to wrestle on the young girl made the heat less dreadful. Tala huffed picking at the bunched dress as she sat under a willow perched on a hill over looking the beautiful ranch that she had been raised on. The willow old in its age had been grown by her mother long ago in the memory of her grandmother. A medicine woman, intelligent and known for her great wisdom. Often times Tala can recall foggy memories of sitting in her grandmothers lap, a sharp but intoxicating smell of earthy incense drifted around them as she told stories of great warriors. "Tala!" a distant voice called. Tala rose her pink dress falling to her knees that had been littered with various bandages. At a young age she had been rough and often took too many tumbles to count. "Tala!" her mother bellowed from bellow the hill her face grimaced as she faced the sun without shade. Awena's bronzed complexion glowed in the mid day sun, her honey eyes glistening in the bright rays. Tala bounded to her slipping many times down the hill but each time she ran faster. Always quick to pull herself back from the ground, never dwelling to long on the scuffs on her legs and arms. "What did I tell you?" Awena placed her withered hands on her hips a slight scowl centered on the huffing Tala "You said 'don't get dirt on your dinner dress" the spritely child placed her hands on hips boasting the shameless gall. Awena ran her hand through her peppered white and black hair. The toll of raising two girls alone on a large ranch by herself was taking its toll on her. "Inside" Awena growled watching the young girl run past her.

* * *

Unease hang like fine perfume in the air around the small wooden table. Tala fidgeted, pushing her food around her plate as her mother and older sister shared heated stares. "I didn't mean to they had-" Tala's mother slammed her fists on the table shaking the silverware "Bullshit Chenoa! your the one that keeps sneaking out, drinking, getting fucked up on god knows what and you say it's their fault!?" Awena stood her chair clattering to the floor. Tala had gotten much from her mother, the golden eyes, silky smooth hair and a hot temper. However, this time Tala sat silent with her head down eyeing her food with extreme intensity. This was every. Damn. Night. Tala cringed, if her mom caught her even saying that word- Tala ceased that thought as she rather not think of the consequences. Awena wasn't a bad mother, no. Just overworked, overburdened, and overwhelmed. Their farther left as soon as he found out Awena was pregnant with Tala. Maybe that's why Chenoa is so....Troublesome.

Fighting had broken out. Cheona throwing plates the harsh shatter made Tala shrink back. "I'M EIGHTEEN! I CAN DO WHATEVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE!" tears streamed down Cheona's cheeks. She was always prone to cry uncontrollably during these heated yelling matches. Tala began to tremble, tears bristling at her water line. " _Chenoa?"_ it was weak, a broken plea. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Chenoa spun on Tala her deep chocolate eyes blown wide in rage. Tala shrieked her small hands clenching her ears as the roaring of the bellowing wails of the women grew louder. Tala shrunk to the ground the howling forming in words " _It's your fault! All your fault!"_ Tala whimpered clenching her teary eyes tight as a blossoming pain began to set in her abdomen. "Mommy! I'm scared mommy!" her cries became shattered by her scream as she spared a blurry glance at the blooming red blood at her stomach. it soaked her lovely dress. Ruined it with blotchy scarlet substance. As her cries grew distant and shallow all she could think was how disappointed her mother would be that she ruined her best attire. 

* * *

Tala sprang awake her breathing ragged and uneven. "Lay back, let me dress it" A soft voice soothed her. She almost laid back, almost complied when her senses returned with a thunderous crash of doom. Tala's legs flailed, kicked, hoped to find purchase in the stomach of Joseph. He killed Hudson, killed Dutch. The only damn father figure she had. She pushed him backwards onto the cement floor watching with idle amusement as he tried to take pained breaths. Tala ignored the painful stretch and warmth that pooled at her stomach as she hopped atop him. Her legs trapped him and her hands took pleasure in strangling the air from his throat. She watched with glee as his eyes rolled in their sockets and his struggled wheezes was all she heard until he looked at her. His pupils blown wide, at first Tala thought is was fear. No, he eyed her with, Pity. This drove her, made her wrath ignite with stubborn vigor. Tala dug her thumbs into his jugular, tighter than before basking in the adrenaline as she made small crescent shaped red prints. After all she went threw. After all she lost, what hurt the most was Pity. She detested it.

* * *

Tala was drowning. Gasping for air under the currents of pure rage, it filled her lungs and held her eyes closed to any reason. A hand pulled her from these depths. It let her lungs fill with pure sweet air. It stripped the stone clasped hands from her eyes. Tala blinked, unaware of the tears that slithered down her cheek as Joseph trembling hand held her face. It made her gather her wits into a firm pile, if only long enough for her to loosen her grip. Joseph gasped, air filling his lungs. His hand that held her heated face drew back and with a pained inhale he gripped her arm and wheezed "let" he coughed closing his eyes "Let me dress your w-wound." Tala paled. Where Tala's topless torso meant Joseph's a slick wetness had formed. Slowly gathering her hands from his throat she peered down. Sloppy stiches were splayed open, the fat of her abdomen lay on display. Tala clenched the exposed wound a deadly chill making her body tremble.

* * *

Blood slipped from her fingers coating them a deep crimson as Joseph quickly gathered himself from the floor, trying his best to take calm breaths even after almost dying to the same person he was trying to save "keep pressure on it" he half yelled rubbing his temples. _God give me strength_ he groaned out as he gathered the supplies taking the needle back into his trembling fingers the steel still coated in dark blood. "Be still this is a needle and it-" Tala almost hissed as she looked up from her wound that hadn't ceased bleeding "Give it too me _Father_ , after seeing your stitching I can see why it didn't hold" she snatched it from his outstretched hand "Alcohol" Tala whimpered pulling her hand a fraction back to see a gaping hole. A shiver crawled down her spine, she never had to stitch a FUCKING SHOTGUN WOUND! Horrified couldn't explain what Tala was feeling, she had to stich many of her wounds and lacerations often sometimes alone. But this....this was a shotgun slug at close range. _Not to mention the location where my organs can spill out at any second!_ Tala sucked in a shaky breath the adrenaline seeping away by the seconds and punctured the right side.

* * *

Tala put the last stitch in place and looped the knot with tinted hands but the worst part wasn't over. Even if the wound was securely stitched the percentage of infection was high without the use of antibiotics or professionals. Thinking about the world that burned above them was a sore subject. Tala would gladly take Hurk over Joseph. _Was he still alive?_ Tears prickled at her waterline as she reached out to take hold of the alcohol that had been placed at her feet. Hurk's bubbly laughter and stupid remarks made the colorless liquid slosh in her hold as the trembling in her slick hands was growing to much to control. _Their dead, their all dead_ . _Nothing but burning ash stamped on the once perfect green grass._ _THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!_ Tala barley registered the bottle slipping from her slack grip. _SHE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!_ Tala clasped her hands over her ears while the familiar terror and irrational frenzy began shaking loose the thick mental walls that have kept her sane. Tala kicked herself backwards her rapid heart beat was all she could hear. _I did everything right! I didn't kill him! I WANTED TO MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT!_ Tala lost traction, her boots slipping over the drenched concrete. Her vision glided to peer at the fluid. _Blood._ _So much blood._ Tala screamed, a harsh raspy howl that tore at her throat and ripped it to shreds. Words fell out of her mouth like a endless river, jumbled but mostly incoherent. " ** _MOMMA! m-MOM! HELP!_** Tala's nails dug into scalp as she thrashed reliving a memory only exclusive to her. 'ROOK! CHILD! CALM DOWN!" Joseph clambered to Deputy's feet trying to dodge Rooks now flailing arms. "Look at me! Deputy!" Joseph shrieked worry starting to grip him. He had to act fast before she pulled the stitches, Joseph wrapped curled his arms around her torso avoiding Rook's cleavage that spilled from the cheap black bra. "Shh, it's okay. Shh" he pulled her quivering form into his lap attempting to curl her into his side. She thrashed like a wild animal. Feral. Joseph growled his muscles straining as he tucked Rook's head under his chin while he whispered out soft lyrics in hope in taming this beast. _"_ **_Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound_**  
**_That saved a wretch like me._** ** _I once was lost, but now am found_**  
**_Was blind, but now I see"._** Tala struggles tapered as she subconsciously began listening to the soothing song ** _"Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear,_**  
**_And Grace my fears relieved._**  
**_How precious did that Grace appear_**  
_**The hour I first believed** "_ Tala's heavy breathing dwindled as she clutched onto Joseph's neck, her only anchor. Joseph began to rock as if he were soothing a distressed baby that had simply skinned their knee. He lulled her till her breathing swallow. Till her hiccups simmered and her arms fell slack at her side. Joseph pulled Rook's head from his chin staring at her relaxed face as thoughts raced through his mind. 

_**"~Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a Wretch like me~**_ " 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tala got some PTSD going on there, hope you enjoyed this going to make a longer chapter next!


End file.
